Sunday, September 5, 2010

All By MySelf... :(

Friday I had orientation at the Boise State Arbiter. They're talking about printing versions of my scattered thoughts on weight loss and other stuff (tattoos!) for the paper. The meeting was at 2, and my sister and I were supposed to be at the pool at 3. The meeting ran late, so my sister wound up having to go without me. I knew I still had to go, but procrastinated... ran errands... sat in my car playing with my new phone. Checking my facebook on my phone, I saw my sister had posted a new status "Did my lap-swimming today with a total lack of motivation and an abundance of low self esteem." Which was EXACTLY how I felt.
I gathered up my stuff, and went in the gym where I then procrastinated more, by renting a locker and paying for my fitness assessment. My ID card wasn't opening the turnstyle which was a pain in the ass and a little embarrassing. The front desk girl kept saying 'just swipe it really fast, sometimes you have to do it a few times..." etc etc, while I held people up. Finally, I let everyone behind me go in first, and my ID STILL wasn't working. The front desk girl took it, and then got a really confused look on her face, wrote down my ID number and let me in the swing gate. Really? I was ready to quit right then.
Walking into the locker rooms, I found my locker, took off the lock and moved myself over to the day lockers by the pool. I put on my swimsuit, swim cap, goggles, and towel.
Again, I was surprised at how few people there were in the pool. I gave myself the goal of 15 laps, which took me a long time, but I finished. I kept thinking that if my sister did it, I didn't want to fall behind, or seem like I wasn't as serious about it as she was.
Going into the locker room, there were two younger girls. They were athletic and skinny and weighing themselves. The taller one said something like "I need to lose 15 pounds" and in my mind I asked "from where?!" But then she looked at me and asked if I had dyed my hair recently. I had forgotten all about my stupid bleeding hair!! I probably looked terrible! And then she surprised me. She smiled and gave me some advice about putting conditioner on my hair before putting on the swim cap and that would help with the bleed off.
I felt like a total jerk. I had prejudged her based on her looks and her attitude about weight and weight loss, but she was nice to me. Maybe my insecurities are affecting my perceptions of others. Lesson Learned.

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